[light music]

I’m John Early, and today,

I’m gonna caption some cartoons. [laughs]

There is a flight attendant.

Not clear as to whether or not he’s gay.

[bell ringing]

I’m shocked to say I have a really strong instinct

with this one.

[upbeat music]

We do things a little differently around here.

There’s just something about this kind of gay boy

who spent their childhood in the mirror practicing

being a waiter or a flight attendant.

We do things a little differently around here.

I’m not very familiar with the Sherlock universe,

’cause I’m not a nerd, so he’s looking at the crossword,

and because he’s using a magnifying glass, I’m gonna say,

We’re gonna need a bigger crossword.

Kind of a Jaws reference.

It’s not good. I know that it’s not good.

So we have two small house cats watching a jungle cat.

Start the clock in the corner of the screen.

Don’t wanna gender them,

but I do feel like they’re lesbians, the cats.

[laughing] Okay, hold on. Keep the clock going.

One cat, the eyes are big. The other seems nonplussed.

Non-pussed? Okay, we’re getting somewhere.

This is awful.

I’m non-pussed.

We have a disco ball in an operation

I’m holding back from just writing, You better work,

’cause there’s gotta be something with knife,

like cut me to pieces, but in a gay way.

I’m just gonna do better work.

For time reasons, I’m gonna just go with that.

I have a call at three.

Meaning like, You better work. We have surgery to do.

We have a UFO, an alien, a cow.

I think the cow wants to go with the alien.

[cow mooing]

Okay.

So I’m gonna do, Take me with moo,

and I’m not gonna think any harder about it,

’cause that’s obviously great.

[laughs] Take me with Moo.

This is my favorite of the ones I’ve done today.

I just wanna put that on record.

If you’re familiar in any way with my standup,

which I really hope you’re not, honestly, I am not concise.

I ramble a lot to make largely incoherent points,

and I can learn from what I just went through.

I did learn from what I just went through,

so thank you to the New Yorker for helping me grow.

[calm music]